God is not a man. Not a white man. Not an old man. Check out the video and comment your thoughts below. What made you chuckle and why? Ultimately is it because of not-love that you extend toward certain people for certain things? What is theologically good and what is theologically ridiculous?
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Tweeps/Tweeple: Follow Me.
I have had my Twitter account for a while now. At first I hardly ever used it except with a few international friends or those who are "with it" enough in the states to "tweet." I am excited that more people are now tweeting. A little birdy (ok, that was too far; not funny) told me that Twitter is the new Facebook, a name which continues to bother me since the application is not a book at all. The funniest thing about Twitter is that I have "followers." Now I really have a messianic complex since I feel like a first century rabbi in Israel. I’m not sure if I want to call my followers my "Tweeps" or my "Tweeple." Both terms are tossed around the Twitterverse so as to signify that one is "with it" when it comes to using the "with it" online connectivity tool.
What does it mean to be "with it?"
If you would like to follow me [and thereby know where I am and what I'm doing at all times (yes, i know... captivating and irresistible)] then please click the link to the right (it’s the one that says "Twitter"). Come, follow me… and I will make you ____________________.
I’m taking out for lunch or dinner whoever fills in the blank with the most creative and funniest response. Click on the comments to add your… comment.
Monsters and Orphans and Crabs, Oh, My!
My friend Matt Frye commented on my last post about parenting. I was simply going to reply in the comments but his thought were too funny and legit to leave there. Here is his comment followed by my response:
"dude, remember that scene in ‘the little memaid’ where flounder and that seagull and ariel (spelling?) are naming things. like they named that fork something strange. and then she started combing her hair like it was spaghetti. man, that was funny. i dont know why ‘the littler mermaid’ came to mind, but it did. maybe because of that scene and because of flounder the fish. and because the dad in the movie is awesome. remember that beard? and his deep voice. and his trident. and also, i feel that one does not have to be a parent, or a good parent to offer good words about parenting. like ive never been deep sea diving before, but if i read a few books about it i am sure that i could offer some good words. especially if the book was written by sebastion the lobster. or was he a crab? and why did he have a sweet caribean accent and everyone else spoke plain english. ok im done. see you daddy."
MY RESPONSE :
I know why "The Little Mermaid" came to mind. It is Kyla’s favorite movie and Ariel is her favorite character. Well… I’m not sure… she also really likes "Annie" and "Monsters, Inc." I like her favorite movies because Ariel has a substantial identity crisis and subverts the imperial reign of her father the king (though I don’t hope that I’ll need to be subverted; nor do I plan on bearing a trident or running for political office). I really hope that Kyla realizes that her identity is "in Christ" rather than being defined by voices that represent the popular appeal to human goodness or self-hatred. The fork is called a "dinglehopper" and, yes, Kyla always tries to comb her hair with her fork (which she is now beginning to use quite well unless she is stabbing peas). Sebastian is a crab not a lobster. All crabs have Caribbean accents. Or… do they? Maybe crabs speak "normally" and we’re all just too arrogant to realize that we (whoever "we" is) are the ones with the accents.
On to other movies… Annie. Annie is an orphan and Kyla loves her. Enough said. Monsters, Inc. employees Mike Wazowski and James P. Sullivan are just plain funny and Kyla looks and acts like "Boo." The children in the movie are like the "untouchables" of 1c. Israel (except that children get scared by monsters in their closets and I don’t think that ever really happened). "Sully" ends up being the figure that redeems the monsters’ relationship with the children. Rather than scaring the "dangerous" children, Sully leads the energy-creating-and-capturing-monster-world-industry to not fear the children. Interestingly, those named "monsters" are the ones who must learn to not fear the "unclean" and "untouchable."
Rob and Big.
DISCLAIMER:
This post is part II of II of possibly the 2 most shallow and unthoughtful posts I’ve ever written and may or may not include a certain amount of sarcasm.
I have recently heard from several guys in Oakwood Hall that “Rob and Big” is one of the funniest shows to ever air. I watched portions of the MTV2 reality show both by myself and with others as well as on the TV and on YouTube. I have since concluded that “Rob and Big” is not funny. Rob is definitely not funny at all and the character Big is only mildly funny at best (meaning that I gave one small chuckle that was forced). I think that they are not funny because they are trying to be funny and they think that they are funny. Their attempt at humor is actually self-absorbed, terribly shallow (as is this post; see “disclaimer”), and forced. Things that are truly funny include:
1. The Office
2. Lee Yowell
3. Jerry Seinfeld
4. “So You Think You Can Dance?” tryouts
Top 5: Best Film, Athletic Theme
Blessed Glycerine.
I just realized that the tune “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman is a bad version of Bush’s “Glycerine.” I like the lyrical progression and fluctuation of “Glycerine” much better. I grew up on “Christian music.” My early days of adolescence were filled with DC Talk, Audio Adrenaline, and Newsboys. I have since discovered that there is actually good music out there. I would highly suggest Iron & Wine, Matt Nathanson, Radiohead, U2, Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Jack Johnson, Dashboard Confessional, Pedro the Lion, Kings of Leon, Arcade Fire, The Fray, and others that deserve to be listed but would result in exhaustive list making.
Please include your recommendations in a comment.
Thank you.
SHAME ON ME: I nearly forgot James Taylor.
Emergent Top 10 / 80%
I found a mildly humorous Top 10 list to determine if I am “Emergent.” I edited it slightly to transition it to a level of somewhat humorous.
You might be Emergent if…
10. … you have never read one of the “Left Behind Books” or prayed the “Prayer of Jabez” or led the “40 Days of Purpose.”
9. … you know that a megachurch only belongs on VH1′s “I Love the ’80′s.”
8. … you wouldn’t be surprised to see Gandhi in heaven but you would be floored to see Jerry Falwell.
7. … you argue that the Beast is America and the Anti-Christ is Pat Robertson.
6. … your mentor just used profanity and it seemed appropriate.
5. … you honored your pastor with a box of fine cigars.
4. … your hair looks like a bad midwestern version of Ryan Seacrest’s.
3. … you carry a Nalgene water bottle in a North Face backpack while complaining about consumerism.
2. … you purchase your church supplies from a Buddhist book shop.
1. … your favorite Carson is Daily but definitely not Don.
Based on the above list I am 80% Emergent. Which two do not apply to me?
In the Year 2008…
Though I do not claim to be a fortune-teller, prophet, palm-reader, astrologist, or tarot card expert I thought I should mock the aforementioned and the bringing in of a new year while simultaneously honoring Conan O’Brien by looking into the future.
In the year 2008…
… the United States of America will celebrate it’s first female or African-American president.
… I will learn through failure and success both through grace.
… regular unleaded gasoline will reach $4.00/gallon.
… Verizon will introduce a global calling plan.
… AT&T will change its name back to Cingular… again.
… my daughter Kyla at age (1) will state her first sentence, “Church is the missional, covenant community of followers of Jesus marked by incarnational compassion.”
… Mariah Carey will attempt to make a comeback with an atrocious release entitled, “Sparkle.”
(1) THING (twice).
(1) thing that I like about Christmas: People.
There could be some valuable sociological studies conducted by means of mall observation. When I had the unfortunate displeasure of going to Easton Town Center on December 21, my introverted self found itself tucked away in some corners simply observing people. I am not sure that I can even articulate my thoughts so I will include a few examples and allow you to formulate your own perspective:
A) Two sisters walking side-by-side wearing matching wreath-printed turtle neck shirts under fluffy “Christmas” sweaters.
B) A two-hour line to have a child’s picture taken sitting on the lap of an unknown man dressed in a large red suit with fluffy cotton lining and beard.
C) Anxious and self-indulged expression of teenage girls trying to pick out just the right outfit. In a matter of 20 minutes, 15 other girls painstakingly picked out the same exact outfit.
(1) thing that I don’t like about Christmas: People.
There are (3) groups of people that drive me crazy during the holiday season:
1) Parents.
a) who buy there children everything that they want.
b) who scream at their children in stores.
c) with strollers.
2) Drivers: Who determines who is able to obtain a Driver’s License anway?
3) Teenagers in Starbucks: See upcoming post entitled, “Who invented the Frappucino?”
DISCLAIMER: It is important to note that I fall into category 1C. Sarah and I use a stroller (see pictured) when in public and walking any extended distances. I actually ran into a girl’s bag when she stepped out in front of me. Fortunately, the bag was from Hollister so I didn’t mind hitting it. Secondly, it was her fault for not yeilding to oncoming traffic. Who determines who is able to obtain a Baby Stroller Driver’s License anyway? Rather, who determines who is able to obtain a Teenage Girl Walking in Mall License anyway?
This post is dedicated to LEE YOWELL.
American Gladiators.
American Gladiators was one of my favorite shows on Saturday mornings when I was a child. Nitro, Viper, Storm, Electra, and others took on the “contenders” in a series of physically challenging competitions. Though I am a reader of Henri Nouwen, who does not advocate competition, I must appeal to the game-like, simulated-competition entertainment that is the returning American Gladiators. The show returns to NBC on January 6 with a special program this Wednesday evening. I’m sure I will have some upcoming posts comparing and/or contrasting the television show to real gladiator battles about which we read in history books or watch in cinematographically enhanced films starring Russell Crowe. Alas, I have my calendar marked for some American Gladiator viewage.
